What the book I’m reading says about me
Like sitting in the park or on the subway with a good read? Well, keep in mind, that outfacing book jacketis saying something about you to others.
Book: Harry Potter (any)
What it says about you: I shave my pubic region.
Book: A Million Little Pieces
What it says about you: I am James Frey.
John Updike (any)
When I make love to my wife I think about Brittany Spears.
The Devil Wears Prada
I wear Prada.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
I thought this was ‘bout somethin’ else.
Neal Stephenson (any)
I have free passwords to porn sites.
Atlas Shrugged
I was a fine art major at an Ivy League school but now work in finance and desperately need an intellectual justification for my rampant materialism.
there’s more! >>
David Sedaris (any)
I am not independently funny.
Amy Tan (any)
I’m datin’ an Asian chick.
Backlash
I will make you wait until the second date before allowing you to sleep with me which will boost my low self esteem.
John Grisham (any)
I secretly like wearing a tie.
Catcher in the Rye
I don’t understand my generation despite being its ultimate paradigm.
Orwell (any)
I think I know what I’m talking about.
Geek Love
My individuality extends to the color of my hair dye.
William S. Burroughs (any)
I wish I had the balls to try heroin. Instead I smoke dope and then squint my eyes real hard.
Charles Bukowski (any)
I find blue-collar alcoholism noble because I have no idea about either.
The Human Stain
“Portnoy” means nothing to me in particular.
The Well of Loneliness
My husband doesn’t know I’m a lesbian.
Lolita
This book makes my otherwise bone-crushingly boring personality seem edgy.
Jack Kerouac (any)
I secretly want to buy into normal society with a job and a mortgage…
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
One-sided oral sex.
Bridges of Madison County
I haven’t read a new book since 1992.
Earnest Hemmingway (any)
Not even I know I’m gay.
The Nanny Diaries
I make more than $60,000 a year but couldn’t tell you what 7 x 8 is.
Toni Morrison (any)
I’m datin’ a black chick.
Bill Bryson (any)
I’m losing my hair.
Henry Miller (any)
Her: My husband can’t get it up.
Him: I can’t get it up.
Garrison Keillor (any)
I love books on tape.
Franz Kafka (any)
I’m just putting off grad school for a year while I get some real-life experience. But I’m going to go. No, really, I am.
Jane Austin (any)
I lost my virginity at prom.
Mark Twain (any)
I read more book reviews than I do books.
White Teeth
I think that Madonna’s latest image makeover as a west-end London slut is daring. Oh yeah, I also say “flat” instead of “apartment” even though I’m from Long Island.
The Hottest State (by Ethan Hawke)
I am Ethan Hawke’s four-year-old daughter.
Life of Pi
I am a Barnes & Noble advantage club member.
Deepak Chopra (any)
I farted once in yoga class and listed it as my Most Humbling Moment on my Nerve.com profile.
Irving Welsh (any)
I’m just waiting until I get old enough not to have to pretend anymore.
Tucker Max
I’m not smart enough to read Martin Amis.
Edith Wharton (any)
I know what a merkin is for.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I just love Johnny Depp.
Philip Larkin (any)
Being a huge asshole is funny.
Norman Mailer (any)
I am a book critic for the Tulsa Sentinel.
Prozac Nation
I shop at Wal-Mart but secretly dream about being Jennifer Aniston.
Anne Rice (any)
To me, sexual deviancy is doing it doggy-style.
The Da Vinci Code
When I go to Paris I eat at McDonalds.
Michael Moore (any)
My formerly-liberal left-leaning personal politics are unraveling as I slowly slide into middle-age avarice.
Nickel and Dimed
See Michael Moore (any) above.
Jonathan Franzen (any)
I subscribe to the New Yorker so that I can leave copies of it lying around my apartment to impress visitors.
Seabiscuit
I have been, or will be, divorced in my lifetime.
The Communist Manifesto
I own a Che Guerva t-shirt and want to be famous so desperately that I actually feel physical pain everyday.